sassbewitchedmyass:

Jaime Lannister: Disaster Dad


Arya: Don’t worry I got a few knives up my sleeve.

Tyrion: I think you mean “tricks”

Jaime: *proudly* She did not.

Arya: *pulling knives out of her sleeves* I did not.

~

Jaime: This is a preposterous prank and there’s absolutely no reason that I, a responsible adult, would ever agree to this ludicrous-

Sansa: I’ll give you the password to Tormund’s Twitter.

Jaime:

Jaime: Well, you should’ve started with that.

~

Jaime, to Tywin: In the words of my son Jon, ‘ya basic!’

Jaime: It’s a millennial insult. It’s devastating.

Jaime: You’re devastated right now.

~

Pod: Dad, you’re a wonderful person.

Pod: And you mean a lot to me.

Jaime, holding back tears: Ok, weirdo

~

Gendry: *pushing on a door that says pull*

Jaime, filming with his phone: Push harder, Gendry!

~

Bran: Do you care if I take the skin off this Furby? I want to make him a God. Once he’s free of his sinful flesh he can begin his path to enlightenment. He will take care of us.

Bran: Also, I wanna soft hack his circuits.

Jaime: I literally could not care less but never say anything as fucking frightening as that again.

~

Joanna: Daddy, can we go to a haunted house this year?

Jaime: What’s wrong with the one we live in?

Joanna: what

Jaime: Night night, sweetheart.

~

Jaime: Alright, your mom and I are going out to have fun, or as you kids call it nowadays, ‘Get turnt!’

Sansa: oh my god NO

Jaime: It’s gonna be lit, fam!

Pod: please stop im begging you

(via waywardcryptid)

ladywestfallsblog:

Aelin: They ask me how I manage the Cadre so easily.

Aelin: The secret is, I don’t. I have no control of them whatsoever.

Aelin: Earlier, Rowan called my name and when I showed up to see what was going on, Lorcan shot me in the throat with a nerf gun before Fenrys tackled me to the floor.

Persephone: My husband is too tall for me to kiss him on the lips. What should I do?

Athena: Punch him in the stomach. Then, when he doubles over in pain, kiss him.

Ares: Tackle him.

Artemis: Dump him.

Enyo: Kick him in the shin.

Hades: NO TO ALL OF THOSE. JUST ASK ME TO LEAN DOWN.

joli–coeur:

joli–coeur:

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(via joli--coeur)


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